In Loving Memory of Cheah Shieh Nee: 3rd Anniversary!

SNee,

"You left us fond memories

no one can steal,

Your love is forever with us

even though we cannot see you"

I'm happy that your loving ex-beau is still with us,

Thanks JJ for remembering her!

Thanks JJ too for being at our side and giving us lots of support,

This is indeed a beautiful tribute well written for her 3rd Anniversary!

We're so touched by it!

In Loving Memory of Cheah Shieh Nee: The 3rd Anniversary
by Jyan Chin on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 1:56am

Dear Puffy,

Come this September, it would have been 10 years since you made me the happiest boy on earth. I still remember that night so clearly in my head, the elation when you told me you were infatuated with someone, and I think I remember actually leaping for joy when you told me that someone was me a few days later.

It would have been 8 years since my last glimpse of you, praying for you at the Penang airport, then watch as you huddled along with that giant luggage to board your plane to Sydney, teary eyed and all. It would have been my last time holding you. I have not held a girl since then. There are times when I miss it dearly.

Sometimes I wonder how life would be if things turned out differently. If you had stayed back to finish your studies in KL. If you found a proper job together with me. If cancer never happened. Certain questions circle my head. Would we have been married? Would we have a child or two by now? Would you find yourself comfortable serving in ACTS? What would my friends there think of you now? What would my colleagues and students think of you now? I'm sure they would have loved your bubbly personality. I suppose you would even be mentoring younger girls about life. Would I be holding you tight as we fall asleep tonight?

What ifs, could haves, should haves.

By God's will, things didn't happen that way. Come this 3rd anniversary, perhaps I have finally given up on holding onto what I've lost, given up wondering about what I could have had, finally accepting where I am in life as God's sovereign will for me, and trusting God that my best days are still yet to come, just maybe taking a bit of a detour as the Israelites did in entering the promised land while God molds me into the man He wants me to become.

Thanks to the grief, I am gifted with the ability to sense the grief in others. Thanks to the struggle, my faith is strengthened beyond what I could possibly imagine. Thanks to the comfort others have given, I am able to comfort others. Thanks to the loss, I can look forward to what God will do to restore. And thanks to all these trials and tribulations, I have seen and experienced God in ways I never have imagined, and I believe there is a mighty testimony at the end of it to bless and encourage many others of the good things He has done in all the lives you have touched.

Looking at it from God's perspective, it is a victory that your mom is walking closely with the Lord, that your sister has found new friends at her church, and you have given us the opportunity to share something that will last throughout our lifetimes - the memory of having our lives touched and changed by you. God indeed is a good God to turn what was bad for good. Praise be to His name forever and ever.

And so, as I remember this 3rd anniversary, I cherish the moments we have had, but God has told me not to hold on to them too tightly as I have before. He is telling me the wounds are healing, and it is time to be strong and very courageous, a message repeated in church so fervently and frequently I'm really convinced it is God's instruction for me. And come this cycle of 10 years, a number of completion, by faith I believe this is the year He will restore all that I have lost: the ability to love, purpose and direction in life. There is a stirring in my spirit that this is what He is calling me to do, and more importantly, to be.

Who knows, it may be this year I will meet the one God has prepared for me, as I am continually being prepared for her. Praise God.

But as for your loving memory, I will always remember you as the one who brought me to Jesus. I thank you for teaching me to walk in His ways, to be my pillar of faith in my early days as a believer and for being my "Jesus in the skin" for all those years we were together. All these are precious to me as I cherish them, but God has made it clear.

It is time to be strong and very courageous to move on.

Happy 3rd anniversary, Puffy. May you rest in peace in our awesome Father, knowing that we are all doing fine.

God bless,
Bones